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Creating My Next Chapter

By Jodi Cohen

My daughter starts college today.

On the other side of the country.

I spent the last week moving her into her dorm, helping her navigate a new campus and a new chapter.

I know she was nervous, but she’s starting to make new friends and launch into her next chapter.

I am equally nervous as I am starting to launch into my next chapter without children in the house.

I was particularly worried that college drop off coincided with the 4th anniversary of Max’s death on August 27th.  To be completely honest, I was terrified that the double loss would hit me especially hard.

When navigating hard things in the past, I would typically just brace for impact, grit my teeth and try to either endure or avoid the intense pain of grief and loss.

If I am totally honest, this strategy worked until it didn’t.

It was time to upgrade my strategy and my life.  I no longer have children living at home to care for, cook for and clean for.  With the exception of my dogs who are extremely low maintenance, I have nothing anchoring me to my old life beyond any lingering self-limiting beliefs.

It was clearly time for an upgrade, beginning with a mindset upgrade.

Upgrading Your Mindset

For the first time in my life, I am not tethered by anyone else’s expectations.

A natural pleaser, I spent my life following the rules and the perceived roadmap for success.  I worked hard, got good grades, went to good schools, secured good jobs, got married, had children and assumed that “happily ever after” would follow.  What I didn’t realize at the time was that the fairy tales all seem to end at the wedding.  The promise of “happily ever after” can be elusive especially as life throws you unexpected curve balls, like illness, divorce and even death.

Even though I followed all of the “rules” and bought into all of the assumptions about how to live my life in the best possibly way to secure the best possible outcome, I didn’t land in the place I expected – a long term marriage with two healthy, thriving children.  Instead, I find myself alone in my early 50s with one exceptional thriving child who no longer needs me in the same way.

It was clearly time to revisit and re-evaluate my assumptions, known as self-limiting beliefs.

What Are Self-Limiting Beliefs?

Self-limiting beliefs are assumptions or perceptions about how the world works and your place in it. From a very young age, your brain begins spotting patterns and making associations to help you understand the world and stay safe.  In early childhood, these beliefs are usually shaped by your parents or other dominant figures in your lives.

You likely begin to modify your behavior and view of the world around these assumptions of safety.  For example, I recognized that achievement yielded a positive response so I set out to be an over achiever – without ever thinking to question if that was a beneficial or harmful choice.

These beliefs or assumptions can be “self-limiting” because in some way they’re holding you back from achieving what you are capable of.  Self-limiting beliefs are any thoughts that limit your potential or tell you that something is not possible.  For example, any time you say “I can’t”, you shut down your potential to the possibility that maybe you CAN do that.  Think of limiting beliefs as mental roadblocks that keep us physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually stuck.


Essential Oils to Overcome Self-Limiting Beliefs

Essential oils can play a powerful role in breaking down layers of emotional scar tissue to really get to the root of your self-limiting beliefs that are holding you back.   Essential oils are uniquely beneficial in helping to release limiting thoughts and emotions as the sense of smell links directly to the limbic lobe of the brain which stores and releases emotional trauma. Smell has a direct route to the limbic system and often can mobilize and release long forgotten memories, emotions and self-limiting beliefs that can date back to childhood.

Combining positive affirmations and essential oils can help shift self-limiting beliefs.  When using affirmations, it is important that you allow yourself to experience the positive thoughts and feelings that are triggered by the words of the affirmation.  These thoughts and feelings help us to believe our affirmations, and enhance their ability to work.  Essential oil blends also enhance prayer and affirmations.  This is why the blend of Frankincense and Myrrh is so well know.  Combining this blend with intention can lead to powerful shifts.

Use Essential Oils to Overcome Self-limiting Beliefs

Follow these steps to Release Self-Limiting Beliefs:

  • Smell or apply essential oils
  • Think about and/or feel the self-limiting belief you would like to release
  • State the release statement clearly three times, i.e. “Ï release my belief that….”
  • You can add in tapping points 5-7 times (about the length of time it takes for one full breath) while stating the release statement.
  • Take a breath to feel into your body.   If you sense that more of the self-limiting belief needs to be released, repeat the sequence.

Follow these Steps to Imprint a Positive Belief:

After you clear self-limiting beliefs, it helps to visualize your success.  For example, you can change “I can’t” to “I can” or “I want to” which allows for hope and allows you to embrace what might be possible.  Try not to question or judge yourself.  Simply allow your mind to open to the possibility of different outcomes.

  • Smell or apply oil again
  • Think about and/or feel the positive belief you wish to program into your cells. For example, you might replace fear with safety, love or confidence. If you cannot think of anything specific, simply say “I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”
  • Tap the wrist point 3 times while stating the positive affirmation.
  • Tap each point on sequence 5-7 times while stating the positive affirmation statement
  • Take a moment to feel gratitude to yourself and the process.

You are welcome combine these two steps together to save time. On an intuitive level, it makes more sense to me to clear out the negative before layering in the positive, but I invite you to follow your own intuition on what approach is best for you.


Essential Oils to Overcome Self-limiting Beliefs

My favorite essential oils to shift self-limiting beliefs are:


The Parasympathetic state allows us to think rationally and process through self- limiting beliefs.  When you apply Parasympathetic® over the vagus nerve (behind the earlobe on the mastoid bone), it helps to calm your “fight or flight” reflex and help balance your nervous system. The Lime oil in the Parasympathetic® blend can also help promote emotional grounding, encouraging a balance between the heart and mind, which is an ideal state in which to release self-limiting beliefs.

Lung Support™

Lung Support™ allows for the gentle release of emotional grief that so often accompanies growth.  In order to grow, we have to leave behind self-limiting beliefs and old behavior patterns.  There is often a deep sense of loss and grief associated with the process of letting go. Lung Support™ helps you release the grief so often attached to negative experiences.  You can inhale the oil the oil through the nose, letting the oxygen flow deeply into the lungs, then exhale or apply directly over the lungs.

Liver Support™

Liver Support™ allows us to release self-limiting beliefs and the anger and suppressed negative memories that lock those beliefs in place on a deep cellular level.  Just place the bottle under your nose and breathe deeply, fully inhaling the oil for 3 – 7 breaths.  It helps you breathe into and work through the self-limiting belief.  You can also apply it around the ankles as this is often an area where we hold resistance to moving forward in life and block the ability to receive joy and pleasure.  Start at the back of the ankle and apply under the ankle bone around to the front and back under the other ankle bone, all while allowing yourself to release your self-limiting beliefs.

Small Intestine Support™

Small Intestine Support™ helps support positive boundaries and confidence to assist in bringing a sense of peace to our lives.  Self-limiting beliefs may impact your boundaries with others.  For example, if you feel like you need to subvert your own needs to make others happy or perform certain roles for others, your boundaries get compromised.

The small intestine plays a critical role absorbing and assimilating nutrients while preventing harmful pathogens and toxins from entering the body. On an emotional level, the small intestine plays a similarly discerning role, helping to maintain healthy boundaries. It is also an area where we can hold deep self-limiting beliefs fueled by feelings of lack of self-worth, low self‐esteem, loneliness, neglect and anxieties about survival and success. Small Intestine Support™ can be smelled or applied around the ears.  You can start on the bottom of the ear at the earlobes and gentle massage upward along the exterior of the ear, hitting many of the major reflexology points.  This article and chart show specific points on the ears for specific issues.


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About The Author

Jodi Cohen

Jodi Sternoff Cohen is the founder of Vibrant Blue Oils. An author, speaker, nutritional therapist, and a leading international authority on essential oils, Jodi has helped over 50,000 individuals support their health with essential oils.