I live with constant grief AND… I still choose to get up every day and do my best to show up in the world.
Some days are harder than others AND… on those days I give myself a break and let myself crawl back in bed to read a book or nap or engage in any other self-soothing activity that allows me to ride the sometimes intense and unpredictable waves of grief.
On other days I surprise myself with my capacity to create and move through hard things.
Like the items on the to do list that require five steps back for every two steps forward and always seem to take ten times as long to complete as you feel like they should. Or the follow up phone call for the item that you thought you had resolved last month.
The list goes on, and sometimes just looking at the list is enough to send me into overwhelm.
Other days it does not.
I have learned to live with this dichotomy or the ability to hold two contradictory thoughts at the same time. These thoughts can be conflicting or complimentary and do not need to be mutually exclusive.
Hence the term “Yes, AND…”
“Yes, AND…” is often associated with improvisational theatre, when one person makes a statement, and another responds by accepting that statement (the “yes” part) then layering a potentially conflicting ideas on top of it (the “AND…” part).
The “Yes, AND…” term allows you to hold space for a number of possibilities at the same time.
This duality has been incredibly helpful in all areas of my life, including my health, my relationships and my work.
“Yes, and” allows me to becomes aware of, acknowledge and validate intense and often incredibly painful and overwhelming feelings AND… have the flexibility and freedom to choose my response without the need to suppress or get stuck in the intensity of the story or the emotional residue.
“Yes, AND…” is the perfect pivot for emotional intensity.
“Yes, AND…” accepts reality — then gives you space to figure out what to do with it. “Yes, AND…” encourages you to be fully present in order to explore possibilities.
For example, in a difficult situation, it’s often important to pay attention to what you are feeling (one), not just the “what are you going to do about it” (two). Once you’ve negotiated both the feeling and the thought, you can get to the “yes” of this particular reality. And move on from there.
The most exciting thing about “Yes, AND…” is that it helps counter-act, neutralize and reverse “No, But” or “Yes, But” negativity where you or others may seem to agree—and then undermine it totally with the word “but” inverting a positive into a negative.
“Yes, AND…” shifts you out of negativity and judgement.
Nothing needs to be right or wrong, good or bad, better or worse. This duality is depleting, both physically and energetically.
If you can release the need to be right, you can avoid conflict – both internally and externally.
This also allows you to be more authentic, vulnerable curious and compassionate, which in turn fosters a sense of collaboration and cooperation that can enhance all of your interpersonal interactions.
It gives you a tool to acknowledge and incorporate other ideas and opinions and helps you release judgement. Judgement and limiting beliefs about other people and their choices limit your relationships and your potential for connection and joy. For example, you may make assumptions about what others are thinking and respond based on those assumptions. Sadly, these assumptions are often wrong, like if you believe that someone does not like you when they actually have no particular opinion or even think you are nice.
Judgement, criticism or other negative opinions about external or internal situations and individuals (including yourself) keep you stuck in self-limiting belief patterns or relationships patterns.
Your beliefs about other people limit your relationships and your potential. For example, you may make assumptions about what others are thinking and respond based on those assumptions. Sadly, these assumptions are often wrong, like if you believe that someone does not like you when they actually have no particular opinion or even think you are nice.
It’s also important to release judgement against yourself and the victim/victimizer mentality that keeps you stuck in a state of fear and lack- the opposite of the mindful parasympathetic state. Read more about releasing your victim story here.
The Parasympathetic state allows us to think rationally, release judgement and let go of the idea that there’s a “right” or “wrong” way to think or feel in a given moment. When you apply Parasympathetic™ over the vagus nerve (behind the earlobe on the mastoid bone), it helps to calm your “fight or flight” reflex and help balance your nervous system. The Lime oil in the Parasympathetic™ blend can also help promote emotional grounding, encouraging a balance between the heart and mind, which is an ideal state in which to release self-limiting beliefs.
Looking at the world through your heart center allows the kindest, most genuine response and helps you avoid the desire to engage in any kind of conflict or argument. Heart centered focus allows you to bear witness and hold space for others and validate their experience without judgement, allowing you to be kind and supportive witness and validate the experience of others without the need to carry their pain for them or diminishing own your voice.
We now have the opportunity to instead envision the world we want to shift into. A world where there is no scarcity of resources, and therefore no need to fight over resources. It starts with our intentions and our ability to hold the space for that positive outcome in your heart. Strengthening your heart with essential oils can help enhance your ability to step into your heart space.
It is far easier to reframe the current narrative away from shame, scarcity and fear toward hope, kindness and optimism from a heart-centered place of kindness, integrity and truth. There is an opportunity to stop dividing and conquering and allow a global healing if we can all hold space for each other
Heart™ balances the heart to enhance compassion and support, integrate and reset all the systems of the body, including supporting feelings of open-heartedness, expansiveness, receptivity while mitigating loneliness, sadness and grief.
The heart is our body’s reset button, which helps you reset the homeostatic mechanism for the entire body. Apply 2-3 drops of Heart™ over the heart (left side of chest) 2-3 times daily to calm and uplift the heart and the body. During times of intense stress and fatigue, use as often as is needed (every 20 -30 minutes).
Tapping into your intuition helps you clearly identify opportunities for “Yes AND…” Your intuition or gut feeling can be accessed through your small intestine.
On the physical level, the small intestine plays a critical role in the digestion process, absorbing and assimilating key nutrients while preventing harmful pathogens and toxins from entering the body.
On an emotional level, the small intestine plays a similarly discerning role with emotions, helping to understand experiences and determine healthy and appropriate relationships and boundaries.
Small Intestine Support™ blend supports the healthy functioning of the small intestine as it sorts and transforms food, feelings and ideas into useful ingredients for the body/mind. It also helps correct imbalances where you are overly in tune with other’s criticism, feelings or opinions at the expense of your own.
Your frontal lobe (behind your forehead) helps you react appropriately by reasoning through and assessing situations. Your prefrontal cortex helps you exercise common sense. It supports healthy choices and decisions and offers access to your critical thinking skills and intiution. Research shows that increasing blood flow to the prefrontal cortex can ensure attention and problem solving.
Essential oils, like Focus™, on the forehead to draw energy to the prefrontal cortex. This is because your prefrontal cortex contains several reflex points that can be stimulated with essential oils to help enhance focus and concentration to calm cognitive dissonance.
Inhaling or topically applying essential oils can increase perfusion, or blood flow, to the prefrontal cortex. This blood flow helps to stimulate the prefrontal cortex. This is the principal on which the pharmaceutical drug Adderall helps to calm ADHD. It increases blood flow to the prefrontal cortex. Research has found that blood flow to the prefrontal cortex is compromised in those diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. The lack of stimulation and blood flow might play a role in poor ability to focus, concentrate and control impulses which are all a function of the prefrontal cortex. By way of contrast, Research shows that increasing blood flow to the prefrontal cortex can boost attention and working memory as well as prevent the reduction of brain function in the elderly. Focus blend, Brain Boost and Attention blend can all be inhaled or topically applied to help stimulate the prefrontal cortex.
You can strategically inhale essential oils, like Focus™, through your left nostril to activate your left frontal lobe and balance the over-activity of the right frontal lobe. This creates balance between the left and right hemispheres of the brain, which then leads to feelings of calm and helps halt panic attacks. Simply plug your right nostril and inhale essential oil, I like Adrenal blend, through the left nostril.
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