Today would have been my 20-year wedding anniversary.
That is, if we had stayed married.
I never intended to get divorced.
Or to lose a child.
Or outlive some of my closest friends.
Life has definitely thrown me curveballs that I never would have wished for.
And yet, that which did not kill me definitely made me stronger. And forced me to learn things that I never would have signed up to learn, but proved helpful to know.
Like how to move through anxiety
And create a life that in many ways is better than what I ever dreamed of…
…including an amazing partner, supportive friends, a beautiful and brilliant daughter and thriving business.
And still on days like today, I find myself shedding tears for the dreams that never came to fruition. The long-term marriage I never got to celebrate. The child I never got to launch into adulthood.
It feels like the emotional equivalent of phantom limb syndrome – feeling the loss and disappointment over the situations that never played out as I had hoped.
What is Disappointment?
Disappointment is defined as “the experience of sadness involving unfulfilled hopes or expectations. When you consider what might have been, in contrast to what exists in the present, you may experience disappointment.”
Psychology Today notes that “people avoid disappointment far more than many other emotional experiences. Disappointment comes with finality–the recognition that you don’t have, didn’t get, or will never achieve whatever it is that you wanted.”
I find this to be true for myself. I have spent years desperately trying to avoid feeling disappointment – focusing instead of optimism, hard work and distraction, anything to avoid the painful feelings of disappointment over the things that I have no ability to change.
Until now.
On what would have been my 20th wedding anniversary, my gift to myself is to allow myself to face and process my disappointment over my unfilled hopes and dreams so that I can better embrace all of the positive, unexpected aspects of life that have far exceeded any previous expectations.
The following essential oil blends have allowed me to finally face, process and release decades of disappointment.
Essential Oils for Disappointment
Essential oils, especially oils derived from citrus fruits, have been shown to lift mood, calm anxiety, alleviate depression and literally make you feel lighter.
Research on the Effects of citrus fragrance on immune function and depressive states found that “citrus fragrance was more effective than antidepressants.” Smelling citrus allowed depressive subjects to “markedly reduce” the doses of antidepressants necessary for the treatment of depression.
Disappointment has roots in emotions like grief over your unfulfilled dreams, anger and self-blame for your role in any disappointment,
Lung Support™ for Grief
Feelings of grief, bereavement, regret, loss, remorse can obstruct ability of the lungs to accept and relinquish, impeding their function of “taking in” and “letting go”. Grief that remains unresolved can become chronic and create disharmony in the lungs, weakening the lung’s function of circulating oxygen around the body. Vibrant Blue Oils Emotion Support Lung Support™ was designed to help overcome grief and let go of negative experiences.
This blend works best when topically applied over the lungs or around the ears. It can also be deeply inhaled and allowing yourself to gently release intense emotions with your exhale as a powerful strategy to allow you to micro-dose emotional release.
Liver Support™ for Anger and Self-Forgiveness
Self-forgiveness allows you to acknowledge disappointments without continuing to punish yourself or wallow in shame. Self-forgiveness instead allows you to treat yourself with compassion and understanding so you can learn from this experience, accept responsibility for your actions, and grow in ways that will encourage effective change. This requires you to acknowledge your feelings, not deny or judge them.
Liver Support™ allows us to acknowledge, feel, work through and release anger, blame and shame that are often stored on very deep cellular level. Just place the bottle under your nose and breathe deeply, fully inhaling the oil for 3 – 7 breaths. It helps you breathe into and work through the emotion. You can also apply it around the ankles as this is often an area where we hold resistance to moving forward in life and block the ability to receive joy and pleasure. Start at the back of the ankle and apply under the ankle bone around to the front and back under the other ankle bone, all while allowing yourself to release challenging emotions.
READ THIS NEXT: Essential Oils for Forgiveness and Gratitude
Release Sadness with Heart™ and Rose
Flower Oils, like Rose, are powerful when you need to get out of a dark place. Rose oil is also known to bring a feeling of love, create a sense of well-being and release past hurts, like grief. Its benefits were documented in studies that found breathing and blood pressure relaxed after Rose oil was applied to the skin. I like to apply this one over my heart.
Heart™ blend was formulated to balance the heart to support, integrate and reset all the systems of the body, including mental clarity, physical health and emotional balance. The heart is our body’s reset button. By applying Vibrant Blue Oils Heart™ blend over the heart, it helps return the heart to balance, and strengthen our ability to process difficult emotions like grief.
Small Intestine Support™ for Self-Awareness
Self-Awareness refers to the ability to identify your thoughts and feelings without reacting to them or judging them. Self-awareness is key to understanding and managing your emotions. It’s important to be aware of your own feelings in order to understand how they might affect your thoughts and actions. If you’re not aware of your emotions, you may have difficulty controlling them or communicating effectively with others. Becoming an objective observer allows you the freedom to consider different beliefs and attitudes about what is happening in your life.
Small Intestine Support™ helps support positive boundaries and confidence to assist in bringing a sense of peace to our lives. When you are struggling with negative emotions, it can be helpful to clarify what belongs to you and release what belongs to others. I find it best to apply around the ears for emotion related issues. You can start on the bottom of the ear at the earlobes and gentle massage upward along the exterior of the ear, hitting many of the major reflexology points. This article and chart show specific points on the ears for specific issues.
I have been using this combination of Lung Support™, Liver Support™, Heart™, Rose and Small Intestine Support™ to help acknowledge and release my disappointments in life so that I have more emotional space to embrace all of the positive, unexpected joys.
Featured Blends:
Ready to get started? Click the links below to order today:
- Heart™ available here
- Liver Support™ available here
- Lung Support™ available here
- Rose available here
- Small Intestine Support™ available here
References:
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/intense-emotions-and-strong-feelings/201111/expectation-disappointment-and-sadness
- https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8646568/
- https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19370942/
